make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
