I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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