Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
