R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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