When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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