batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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