return my video game
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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