so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
