her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
