my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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