Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
