I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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