I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was like eating out sand paper
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's the barista slut.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
