I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
