Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
