Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
