yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
