Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
