at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
