were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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