I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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