If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
