There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We're too hungover to prance.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
