Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
