So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
