I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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