yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
