if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
