You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
