Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
