we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
