Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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