she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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