So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
