I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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