TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
