everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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