I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Pooping to opera.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
