Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
