Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Drake has all the answers
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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