I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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