My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
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