If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
