I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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