Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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