on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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