I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Green mimosas i think yes
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
