grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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