We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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