i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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