remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Farmville is her only friend.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
