I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
