Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
