i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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