Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
