WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
