i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
