she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
