I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast