Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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