You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan