Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf