I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
