My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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