you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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