If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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