So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
