Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize