why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
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