We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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