you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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