yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
