i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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